Hollywood, here I come!

Did I ever tell you I almost went into the movie business? In 1987, I was going to school in Las Cruces, New Mexico, my parents lived in Deming. A crew from Italy came to Deming to film "Sonny Boy", a dark/horror flick starring David Carradine (Kung Fu) and Paul Smith (the big guy from Dune). My parents were invited on the set one day, got to be friendly with the all Italian crew, including the director, the producer and the big money guy, Ovidio Assonitis, owner of Cannon films at the time.
They all came to my parents' house for dinners and for parties and before the month was up, my parents had formed friendships that last to this day.
The following year, the whole crew came back, this time to Las Cruces, to film "The Curse II: The Bite", a horror flick starring J. Eddie Peck (soap star) and Jill Schoelen, who was the "it" scream queen at the time, having just starred in "The Stepfather". Also starring in the movie, an actually kinda big star, Jamie Farr, of MASH fame. My parents took me to the set on the first day of filming and told me that since I didn't have anything better to do that summer, I would be working on the movie set, doing whatever they needed me to do. AWESOME!!!
I started out by helping the costume designer with all the outfits for the different scenes and taking Polaroid pictures for continuity. Soon after, they had me in a black wig and dark sunglasses, driving a Jeep all over New Mexico, standing in for Jill Schoelen on second-unit shots. The picture above is of me and key-grip Dante Cardone in White Sands Ntl. Park, on a day we were filming there.(sweet guy, really good looking too, but his girlfriend Camille worked as a make-up artist on the shoot, sooo...) I must have driven that Jeep for a good two weeks, all over the place, in 100 degree heat, without A/C.
After those two weeks in hell, the director asked me if I wanted to be Jill's stunt double...to which I answered "Hell, yes!"
Should have thought about it...and remembered that this picture was about a guy who gets bitten by a snake and turns into one...found myself knee-deep in a mud pit, barefooted, with about 200 snakes around me! Live snakes! All kind of snakes! Rattle snakes! Forget "Snakes on a Plane", this was "Snakes in the Mud"! I was armed with a wooden pole and was supposed to pretend I was killing the snakes (no animals were hurt on this movie). This scene was filmed behind a restaurant in Las Cruces, with about 100 people milling around, watching me in awe. I did get bit by one of the rattle snakes, fortunately they did not have any venom...did hurt like a bitch, though.
In another scene, they had me jump from a sewage tunnel onto a mattress about 50 times to get it right, all this surrounded, of course, by more mud and more snakes. I also got to do a scene on the roadway with hundreds of tarantulas; ended up taking one home as a pet, naming her Penelope and letting her roam freely around the house. She finally committed suicide, leaping to her death from my fourth floor balcony (to this day, my brother is terrified of spiders and of anyone named Penelope).
The director loved my work so much he asked me to come with the crew to California, where they were doing a movie with Molly Ringwald called (I think) "Fresh Horses". I was a sophomore in college, my parents had a hissy fit when I told them I was considering the offer, told me to finish school, then I could go "Hollywood".
Just in case, I prepared a portfolio showing all my assets, including the picture above, taken by my brother, in his room. (how artsy!)
Obviously, I never made it to Hollywood, but that summer remains the best summer of my life. I really enjoyed myself... No sex...but lots and lots of making out... with Matt Clark (second-unit director)....with Bruce Marciano (actor)... with Jamie Farr's son (total doofus).... Mom, I'm sorry you had to find out this way.