Embarrassing moments....Part V

I was talking to my friend Sam* the other day, which reminded me of another foot-in-mouth moment.
David and I were living in El Paso, working remedial jobs, Dave at a record store, me at a kitchen-gadget store, barely making ends meet. We were renting a house in Kern Place, the oldest part of El Paso, where the homes are all adobe, wood floors and really, really tiny bathrooms. To help with rent, we had asked our friend Sam* to move in with us. Somedays, we didn't even have money to buy food, so since Dave's parents have a membership to El Paso Country Club, we would sneak in, have huge lunches, then charge it on their account (to this day, they don't know about it, they just paid the bill without questions).
On the day in question, Sam*, Dave and I had just finished an absolutely great meal: queso and chips (for those of you who don't know what queso is, it's a hot cheese sauce), crab served on english muffins and covered in bechamel sauce and pastries for dessert. We had also had a couple of beers each, so the mood was quite jovial. Dave had to go to the little boys room, so Sam* and I were standing outside, watching golfers practice at the driving range. I noticed this lady right away: she probably weighed 350lbs and was having a real hard time swinging the club anywhere, much less trying to hit the tiny little ball (in fact, I'm pretty sure I saw the ball move slightly for fear of being hit by such a big woman) I started laughing and pointed her out to Sam*: "Look at that fat ass! She is huge! She should be a sumo wrestler, not a golfer! How does that pig think she is going to hit the ball!"... and about 5 more minutes of horrible cracks(!) about her girth. I finally realize Sam* is just staring at me with a blank face, so I finally ask him: "What? That's funny! Why aren't you laughing?"
He takes a deep breath and says: "Dude, that's my aunt." "Yeah, right," I say. "No, really, that's my aunt! Watch, I'll call her."
To which he starts screaming her name and waving at her. "Aunt Nellie*! Aunt Nellie*! What's up?" She comes over and says hello to us, I can feel my cheeks and my neck burning with fire and my hands and armpits sweating profusely.
Foot-in-mouth you say? More like both feet, legs and arms.

*all names have been changed to protect privacy

Footnote:
Just found out from Sam* his aunt passed away last weekend. Wanted to extend my most sincere condolences and hope he forgave my insults.